More of the old.

How come PETA never shit the bed over Zoodles?

Serioulsy, what the fuck is up with Ashley Madison? Am I the only one that rolled over in my pre-dug grave when these ads first came out? I'm a monogamy guy, but that's my thing. I can appreciate that some people are into polygamy, or whatever. That's not my thing, but I can live with that. However, if someone's gotten married, that fucktard has said I'm sleeping with this piece of ass, and that's it. PERIOD. How the fuck can you gear an ad campaign specifically to married foks? Remember that piece of paper you signed? Fucked up on that one, didn't you? Come get laid elsewhere. We're scum, and super-discreet!

Which brings me up to another still-born idea. Ontel's Listen Up Hearing Device. In a one minute ad, they spend maybe ten seconds pitching legitimate use(s). Like you're in bed watching the tube when the broad is asleep. Hell, I can relate, I can barely sleep without some music, and most of my significant others over the years don't take kindly to that kind of ear pollution. But then the commerical takes a sordid turn. Listen to the kids at the park! Find out whose kid is experimenting with whom! Listen to gossip at the church! Because a), that's awesome at a supposed bastion of morality, and b)That's where all the sweetest gossip is divulged! Hear how many times your tenemant building can make their partner cum! What the fuck is the point of the FCC, if not to keep this trash on the air? Listen up, you're a douchebag.

Who the crap decided it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding? I'll tell you who, nobody. That's right, this was never a martial tradition. some retard cam over from the Far East and got their shit confused. Some one from India, used to the world of arranged marriages. Guess what? Language barrier! Some asshole that insisted that "Pablo" speak in English or "get the fuck out of the country", pressured him into relaying his own wedding experiences. He was used to the old-school arranged marriage gambit. Meaning, you don't see the bride before you marry. Turns out Webster's Hindi-Enlgish wasn't handy, so it turned into bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. On a related note, rednecks are also bad luck.

Now, I've started biking a fair bit through the city of Toronto. So, I figure I understand, at least to some degree, the trials and tribulations that cyclists face in this town. That said, Who the fuck gave cyclists the key to the roads on Sundays? All the time on weekends, I see some retards a)biking maybe 10 km/h, and b) biking 3 wide.
Guess what? If I'm going at a fairly decent clip (for me), I'm doing maybe 25 km/h. Which means unless Granny Smith is driving out to her orchard, vehicles are going faster than me. Which means even though the roads are emptier than they are mid-week, I still stay to the fucking side of the road. Are either of you three Lance Armstrong? No? Then you don't need a whole damn lane.